Same-Sex Marriage: When Will Society Crumble?
Humor columnist Mike Moran shares his "concerns" about this issue.
On Jan. 1, Maryland became one of nine states to no longer protect its citizens from gay marriage.
Though it’s certainly heartwarming to see so many loving couples finally being allowed to tie the knot, we do have to look at things realistically and ask ourselves a difficult question. Are we OK with causing the civilized world to fall apart at the seams and descend into chaos?
Now don’t get me wrong North Baltimore, I am no homophobe. Some of my best friends know gay people. It's just the total dissolution of our nation I’m concerned about.
We can’t ignore the scores of "traditional" marriage advocates, who over the years, have tirelessly devoted massive chunks of time, energy and tax-exempt church dollars belaboring the devastating societal implications of messing with the "classic" man-woman marriage formula.
Let’s not forget what happened with New Coke folks.
It would be one thing if the dangers of same-sex marriage were only being touted by bigots or former Growing Pains cast members. But we have to give serious credence to all of the college educated, high-ranking politicians that have been valiantly protecting this sacred institution, as local comedian Umar Kahn has pointed out works nearly half the time.
Oklahoma State Legislator Sally Kern who has insisted that "no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted." Also, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee who has asserted "There's never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage…means and survived." And don’t forget marriage expert, Newt Gingrich who has reminded us that this "fundamental violation of our civilization" contributes to the "rise of paganism," that currently threatens America.
Even Maryland delegate and Forbes Magazine’s "Most Ignorant Politician in America," Emmet C. Burns Jr. has warned "there is a line we ought not cross, and this is it."
This being the case, exactly how long will it take before anarchy and violence erupt in Maryland and other gay-friendly states, and eventually do to modern America what early America did to pre-Columbian America?
Well, we may have some time North Baltimore. Countries like the Netherlands, Sweden, and Canada have allowed gay-marriage for years and are still regularly ranked as having some of the best quality of living in the world. I’m sure that morality bubble is ready to burst at any minute though.
Sure, it may appear that nations whose governments practice institutionalized homophobia, such as Russia, Uganda and Ukraine are also the last ones you’d want to be a citizen of. But perhaps they are just playing the bigotry-long game as, if Batman films have taught us anything, isn’t it always darkest before the dawn?
It does seem though, that there has already been at least one negative consequence of the legalization of gay marriage in our home state. When Maryland Delegate and same-sex marriage opponent Don Dwyer was involved in a boating accident that seriously injured nine people—including fracturing the skull of a young girl—Dwyer put as least some of the blame for his drunken boat driving on the passing of the gay marriage bill.
Tragic consequences like this may merely be the tip of the iceberg of the chaos and ruin that the legalization of same-sex marriage will inevitably cause. I do have to admit though, I am looking forward to the hilarious spectacle, that gay marriage opponents have sworn up and down will eventually result from the slippery-slope of legalizing same-sex marriage—human-animal wedding ceremonies.